Flirting with Consciousness

I hear, that if God had wanted me to have those holes in my ears, he would have made me with them.

Not that I take any stock in this theory, but over the weekend at some point I got to thinking about it. I think my brain has too much free time, and too much space to ponder. Stick with me, this might get confusing.

So, let's go back a few jillion years. Becca and I were talking last week about how neither of us feels like, had we been born in the middle ages, we would have made a very good housewife type person. We both feel we'd be better suited to more adventurous pursuits, such as piracy or thievery etc. This got me thinking about what I might have been like if I had been born way back when, which led me to the realization, that had there not been a few hundred years of human migration and exploration, the factors that led to my creation would not have been the same, and therefore my exact composition could never have been achieved. To put it simply, there were no Native American/Polish/Portuguese/Welsh people back then.

This got me started thinking about how much effort goes into the creation of any specific person. Would you be here today if your great-great-great-great (etc) grand parents hadn't ever met each other? What about if their ancestral cave-people hadn't ever met up to huddle for warmth in a dark and damp mountain-side dwelling? How far back does your DNA go? What is the true story of our creation back through time so inconceivably far? Think about all the elements over so many years, how if one simple thing had changed, a missed bus, a flat tire, a rainy day... How many things could have happened that would have completely voided your existence today. Then, be grateful that you are here. That circumstances which led to your creation lined up so perfectly and here you are today.

(Now if you want to really freak out, think about this: Everything that you possess which is capable of perpetuating this line, you are carrying with you right now.)

So back to God.

I don't personally believe in the common Christian idea of God. I do believe that there is something greater than singular human consciousness, something that connects us all, an energy that is present in everything. I believe that this energy manifests itself in different ways and can be manipulated by those who are aware of it, aware of themselves, and aware of the consequences of their actions. I believe that if you do not respect this energy and its balance, it will destroy you.

So this weekend I was sitting and thinking about getting a tattoo. I started thinking about my beliefs, and my ability to use my body as a tool to achieve things through the manipulation of energies. I began to wonder if (like many people's mothers say) "defiling" my body with a tattoo would in any way interrupt the abilities I've honed over many years, due to the very permanent nature of such a physical change.

This led me to my final decision on the matter:

This body is my tool. It is my conduit. As with every other tool I use in my work with the energies of this life, it is important that my tools be my own. I personalize everything I use, which improves the responses I receive. All of my implements are harmonized in this way to cater to my own specific needs and balances. To put it simply: if I decide I want seven holes in my ears and one in my nose, that's what I feel is good for me. If I decide I want a permanent reminder of the elements of this life and how my personal energy intertwines with them, then so be it. It all ultimately affects my personal harmony, and as long as it's my decision, I don't see how it's any different than scratching a sigil into a candle, or burning a symbol on a wooden wand.

What do you think?

Currently listening: Speak for Yourself By Imogen Heap

Release date: 01 November, 2005

For my Susie

Susie posted these questions in her blog. She asked for some feedback so I took it upon myself to answer all of the questions she posted, not just the ones she asked for responses to :P

*Why do people say so many good things about me when all they want from me is to change me?

In my experience, I've noticed that sometimes when this occurs it's partially due to some form of jealousy. They have good things to say because they see something in you that they want to have in or for themselves and they can't achieve that, so they try to take it away from you by suggesting to you that its not good or okay.

*Why do people feel they need to control others (me namely)?

People get off on living vicariously. It's a lot easier to advise someone you know to take a leap you'd never attempt on your own, and then if it doesn't work out you can just step back and let them worry about the damage. On the other hand, if things go well, you get to take the credit for it, and in some way make that person indebted to you. People who do this do it because they can't come to terms with the fact that their own life isn't what they want, so they make themselves feel better by meddling in the lives of others.

*Am I really such a terrible person with huge character flaws that I need to be told how to be?

You're not a terrible person. You're an incredible person and although I can't speak for my strength in character judgement, I've always adored you. See previous question.

*If I have so many things about me that people want to change, why on Earth does anyone waste their time on me?

Sometimes people who think they are strong like to take it upon themselves to better the lives of others. The only problem here is that usually these people can't handle their own lives, so they have no business telling other people what to do with theirs.

*Mobbin it solo; whats the problem with that?

There's nothing wrong with solo time. I happen to love solo time and I don't think I could ever live without it again. People really need to understand that everyone needs time to themselves. Honestly if you can't ever just be ok with yourself when you're alone, how do you expect to have rewarding relationships with other people?

*Sleepin outside; is it so wrong?

I love sleepin' outside. We need to go camping and light a tent on fire again. There's not a damn thing wrong with sleeping in your car either, while I'm on the subject.

*Co-Ed slumber party... does it always have to sound like an orgy is being planned?

No, just some people are too juvanile to understand that not everything is about sex. I used to have guy friends stay over at my house all the time. My mom knew that I was smart and mature, and that my friends were the same, and nothing weird ever happened. Well except that one time when we had that party and Rebekah got hit in the head with a clock, and I left with Freddie to go talk about trust and twins and people named Flumpy, and didn't come back until the next day. That was sort of weird. (Not for me, but for some other people involved.)

*Rockin' like a dirty hippie... come on a little dirt never hurt no one right?

A little dirt, no. A lot of dirt, probably. There's nothing better than getting super grungy and having a damn good time, then coming home to an hour long hot shower and feeling cleaner than the day you were born. (Cause we all know you're not really that clean on your birthday...)

*How hard is it for people to understand that there is a BIG difference between loving and being in love?

Some people haven't ever experienced any solid form of love. This makes it hard to understand the difference. Personally I think there are many degrees of love. Kind of like autism. It's sort of like an umbrella. Being in love is the little poker at the middle that's so much higher than every point on the entire umbrella. You can place the rest of the people in your life in orbit around the rest of the thing, and it'd show in an accurate manner what you feel for them.

*What's up with the male/female double standard?

Which male/female double standard, let me guess. Girls that have lots of partners are whores, guys that have lots of partners are gods? I think it's all bullshit. Honestly if I had the choice I'd rather not get with a guy who claims he's got that kind of record just because the potential for heartache and abuse of trust is so much greater. Then again, all people have pasts, and you can't always take things at face value. Besides, it's not anybody's business what you do with your life, or your body, except your own. If you're ok with yourself, then that's all that matters. Don't push yourself to limits you're not comfortable with for anybody, because if you end up regretting it you may end up resenting them (or you) for it.

*You guys can you tie some cinder blocks to my feet, tape my hands together, knock me over the back of the head and throw me in the ocean?

I'll tie cinder blocks to your feet and tape your hands together but I'm not knocking you out and tossing you in the ocean like that. Maybe tickling you for hours until you pee your pants... but I want my Susie around, and not in a sleeping with the fishes sort of way.

*If you can't complete the full task as listed above, can you at least try one of the tasks?

In the words of the immortal Dread Pirate Roberts, "As you wish."

Would you?

So Wednesday night I was minding my own business, listening to the Barenaked Ladies and hanging out in the dark in my room. Suddenly I was inspired to perform a social experiment, and here's the result:

Q: Would you be my Yoko Ono?

(Keep in mind here, that I'm not exactly specifying who I would be, just that you would be Yoko. For all you know, I could be her sister, her dog, her neighbor, or her pediatrician...)

A: (In chronological order, mildly witty commentary follows each.)

me: would you be my yoko ono?

Matt: hrm

tough decision

that means we'd be doin it, right?

I love how you can tell exactly what's on some guys minds all the time. Scratch that, I meant to say "all guys minds."

John: escueme?

me: oh, well hello there.

Would you be my Yoko Ono?

John: im [omitted to protect the intoxicated] so speak slowly please

me: Would you

be my

Yoko Ono?

John: you want me to drag your career into the dirt and profit from your death?

Even intoxicated, he doesnt have anything nice to say about Yoko. I bet she wouldn't have anything nice to say about him either, so I guess that's fair.

me: oh yeah...

so..

Would you be my Yoko Ono?

David: I thought you were Yoko Ono.

I'm the artist that's going to get shot.

For some, it seems death is a more common topic...

me: so, would you be my Yoko Ono?

Monica: sure i'll take the blame for breaking up your band

I wonder what else she'd take the blame for? Monica, will you be my scapegoat? Ok, ok I'll settle for road-trip-buddy. Let's go to Cheesecake Factory for lunch tomorrow... hehe.

me: so, would you be my Yoko Ono?

Rebecca: hrmmmmmmm

what are my other options?

I can't decide if Rebecca's answer is non-committal or just indecisive... Maybe if I wasn't so indecisive...

me: Would you be my Yoko Ono?

Scott: what?

why?

me: would you?

Scott: uhhhh

Scott: me confused

Scott requires more explanation. I can understand that, he's got a lot on his plate.

me: So...

Would you be my Yoko Ono?

Aaron: ?!

me: Would you?

Aaron: Perhaps. What exactly does this job entail?

Aaron doesn't want to give me a solid answer before he knows what he's getting himself into. That's a smart move...

me: Would you be my Yoko Ono?

Celeste: No

Yoko is evil

someone else though, most likely yes

I should put that in a card. "I would gladly be your someone else, most likely."

me: Would you be my Yoko Ono?

Heather: uh....

sure

i guess

but then everyone else will hate me..

Heather's worried about what everyone else will think of her, but she's willing to do it anyway. That takes some guts...

me: Would you be my Yoko Ono?

Chelsea: ?

me: would you?

Chelsea: umm... sure

I think I missed something here...

Chelsea's blind faith is reassuring. She would be my Yoko without me even really explaining what that means. That's totally hawt that she trusts me that much.

me: Would you be my Yoko Ono?

Cecily: hahaha

um...um...here's the thing...I have never looked up to her b/c she is helped in splitting the Beatles and honestly, I don't think I could sing like her...I don't do weird [omitted to protect the innocent] sounds well

me: haha

Cecily: why what's up Lennon?

me: who said i was lennon?

maybe im yoko's dentist

or her sister

Cecily: hahaha

well, you could be the son too

me: hehe

Cecily: but lets not go there...that 's an odd thought

Cecily apparently just doesn't want to be Yoko... or my sister, or my mother, or my patient.

me: Would you be my Yoko Ono?

Jennie: we quoting songs again?

me: ?

thats a valid question

Jennie: sure

me: btw props for being the only person to realize that's from a song

Jennie: did you ask everyone else?

me: yeah

lets try this again

Would you be my Yoko Ono?

Jennie: which song are you talking about tho?

me: thats up to you

Apparently, Jennie wanted all the details, but still never really answered my question...

::Edit:: Apparently I misunderstood Jennie and "sure" she would be my Yoko, not "sure" it was a valid question. Still, with the questions, jeeze, must you know everything?!

me: Hey Richard...

Richard: top of the morning to ya

me: Would you be my Yoko Ono?

Richard: Ok :)

And Richard was in a good mood and also trusts me enough to just be my Yoko with no further instructions. I think I'm going to give Richard and Chelsea some Yoko tasks later on this month, just because they said they'd be my Yoko and thats my Yoko's job...

Oh yeah, and I promised some compromising photos, but I've decided to hold off on those for a while, so stay tuned. Oh and also, anyone lurking out there, feel free to say hi. I promise not to file a restraining order, well not right away anyway.

Currently listening: Disc One: All Their Greatest Hits 1991-2001 By Barenaked Ladies

Release date: 13 November, 2001