Wednesday, November 29, 2006


Today is officially the last day I had to move anything from my old place to my new place. Officially, all of my junk is now in ONE home. Now all I have to do is unpack! Sincerest thanks go out to Becca, Eric and Jaime for making this day possible. And also, "shunnnn" to Wes. (tee hee)

Currently listening:
Paint the Sky with Stars: The Best of Enya
By Enya
Release date: 11 November, 1997

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Scottisms - Episode 2

You should all be familiar with what a Scottism is by now, if not read my previous blog titled "Scottisms Episode I..."

Here's the latest rant from Mr. Scott:

So you gotta hear this, what's up with old people?

Why is it that a working stiff like me, right, I'm going to the grocery store on Saturday cause its the only day I can go to the grocery store. I go to Albertsons, right, and who's racing me for a parking spot? Some old guy 90 years old in a huge american made car. So i take a deep breath and let him have the spot. Then I gotta get a cart with the kiddy seat for the kids and I go in the store and what do I see? It's crowded with old people.

Can't you go on a Tuesday? Maybe a Thursday? Why on a Saturday? I dont need to be bothered on a Saturday. They should come on a Tuesday at 3:00 you know why? Cause I'm not there, that doesn't affect me.

And the other thing...

When I've got a lunch hour and I go to Subway who's in front of me? Some 90 year old guy has to be out on Tuesday at noon getting a 6 inch sub cause its his dinner time? Or I go to the post office and who's there? Some old lady with 55 packages with brown paper and string and ribbons... Do it some other time. Don't go when I'm at lunch. Why are you here now when you have all week and all day? There's no schedule, you dont have a schedule? That's my day.

It just bothers me, you could do this any day of the week. So when I'm old and I'm in my jumpsuit with the fake belt I will not be there clogging up the aisles. Unless I'm crusty and I'm doing it on purpose. I know, I'm old so you can talk crap about me too. I'm gonna whup em with my cane. I'll take my pacemaker off my shoulder and slap em around with it.

Stop typing... I'm all hot now.

You know, the only safe palce in the grocery store? The liquor aisle.

Currently listening:
Bitter Tea
By The Fiery Furnaces
Release date: 18 April, 2006

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Speedometers, Tentacles, Marshmallows, and Korean Candy. Yes, it's still Sunday.

Where to begin? Since Friday... I've been on a perpetual adventure. Let's start with Friday morning. I've noticed that the mistress tends to exaggerate when it comes to matters of speed. I don't know if she's trying to fluff my ego or what the deal is but she tends to exaggerate the actual speed that we are traveling by about 15MPH. I got a reminder of this on the way to work when, while driving at the same speed as many other cars on the road, and not passing anybody, I looked down at the speedometer to see this:

I'll believe 85. I won't believe that we were all going over 100 at 6:30 AM on the way to SLO from A-town. And I know what you're all thinking, but I swear I had my seatbelt on. The thing that tells the car that my seatbelt is buckled appears to be broken. If I wiggle it around it turns off sometimes, but driving wiggles it back on and I already gave up struggling with it.

Ok so then at work, it was payday which means that I get to have a delicious lunch, as long as it can be attained nearby the BofA downtown. (Yes, BofA stands for Bank of Assholes. I hate that place.) Monica and I decided to have sushi, and I thought for posterity, I should record the most delicious octopus I've had in a long time, so here it is, tentacles and all. MMMMMM octopus, I totally heart you.

Then, towards the end of the day I decided it was cocoa-time. I may not take tea-time every day but I still crave a hot beverage to make me happy around 4 PM every day now (Thx Becca, that's all your fault.) and Friday, it was a cocoa day. So I pull out the marshmallows (Cause what's cocoa without marshmallows? Worthless, that's what.) and I notice this gem on the back of the marshmallow bag:

Now let's ignore the obvious problem that I've been eating more than one at a time in my cocoa. (And out of my cocoa, I won't lie. Marshmallows are grub.) Don't tell Kraft on me, they might not let me have any more marshmallows and THEN what would I do??? What I'm really worried about here is Kraft's definition of "bite-sized" pieces. Correct me if I'm wrong, but does this marshmallow really need cutting before a child under 6 years old can manage it? Are these not already bite-sized as they come out of the package? Maybe it's just me and I have a ginormous mouth or something... anyone else struggling to fit one of these in your itty bitty baby infant mouth?

Ok, moving on. Friday finally ended, and BSG was awesome, as usual. Saturday rolled around and at first, I thought I was doomed. There was a problem with going to Santa Maria to drop off the rest of the money for the Mistresses downpayment, and I had initially planned on having lunch with my old roomate Susie but if I wasn't gonna make it to SM for the downpayment, I wasn't going to make it for Susie lunch either. Then Michele texted me and saved the day.

So, I headed west and we took the kids on an adventure to drop of lunch to Shawn, Wes, et all, in line for the Wii outside of Wally World in Arroyo Grande. After that there was pasta to be had (MMM that was so tasty too. I love the squash ravioli. Boy, for a girl who doesn't eat I talk about food a lot.) and after pasta, a trip to the park. Shawn and Michele have managed to produce a few of my favorite kids, and I really enjoyed spending the day with them. Plus, I got to hear Abby make an attempt on pronouncing my name which was cool.

Then I gave my mistress her first bath while in my posession. It was fun, she's much easier to wash than Betty ever was, and it only took me 7 minutes.

After that I headed over to Aaron's for some meteor fun, but the meteors stood us up, so we went back into town for starbux, then I headed home.

Sunday I woke up to a beautiful thing. An open window full of watery sunlight. Now keep in mind it was only 7:30 so I should have still been asleep, but I got up, got ready and headed down to the swap meet in Nipas. I found a super good deal on a 10 gallon aquarium and then bailed to go find my mom and buy her lunch. We had some grub lunch at this teryaki place in the mall, then stopped by to see Susie at the Santa booth and get some cheesmo pictures taken. After that, we wandered the mall for a while, then went back to my Mom's place.

I left around 4:30 and headed back to SLO for some movie-going fun. I decided I wanted to see that movie that Chelsea reccomended (Stranger than Fiction with Will Ferrell, a completely excellent movie.) or the new James Bond movie, so I texted most of my friends/aquaintances to see if anybody felt like accompanying me, and sadly, I got a bunch of no responses. This serves to teach me how boys must feel when I turn them down after they invite me to hang out with them. I'll have to remember that.

So I decided to wait it out and go by myself if nobody had given me the thumbs-up by the time the movie started. I headed to the old faithful secret public parking lot out in front of that one bank on the corner of Osos and Marsh, parked my mistress, and kicked back in the car with my book and music.

Well while I'm sitting there spacing out, I see a car come down Osos, and make a right turn onto Marsh, going against traffic. They almost get smashed up in a head-on collison which was narrowly missed, and then this car jams into the parking lot enterance, and takes out its front passenger tire on the curb. (This made a spectacular noise, which was really scary sounding even from far away with the accompanying honking.) Well, the only empty parking space in the whole lot happens to be on the driver's side of my car, so they roll into it and then ask me for help finding a tire repair service.

As luck would have it, "they" are three early twenties Korean exchange students on a random journey across California this week, and they're driving a rented mid-nineties Nissan Sentra. I get out of my car to inspect their damage, and suggest putting on the donut to get them through the night. Apparently in ESL for Korean exchange students, they do teach the word "donut" but not as it applies to toy tires. They thought this was hilarious. A donut, a tire donut. So none of these girls has the first clue what to do to change a flat tire, and I'm pretty familiar with the whole secret tire/tools/jack setup of the mid nineties Nissans so I went to work on the thing. They thought this took some serious skill or something cause according to them, apparently, anybody who knows exactly where the spare/jack/tools are and how to change a flat tire, is probably an engineer.

So I get the car up on the jack, we take the flat tire off, and as I'm hand tightening the lugs onto the spare, two of the three girls decide to put the flat tire into the trunk, and knock the car off of the jack. This was pretty scary, but it all worked out ok cause I was able to get the jack out from under the car, and apparently my hand-tightening was enough that the spare didn't fall off before I got the car jacked back up high enough to get the spare the rest of the way on.

After this, these three girls can not thank me enough. They kept calling me their "savior" which I thought was pretty funny considering all I did was put on their donut. They gave me hand sanitizer wipeys to clean all the tire junk off my hands, and three Korean candy bars, and then offered to buy me dinner.

That was pretty cool of them, and I might have taken them up on it except that I already ate, and at this point I had about half an hour left before the movie was going to start. I think they were also really jazzed to have somebody to talk to about the area, and their English was really good for how long they said the'd been in America. (One girl said 2 months, the others were somewhere around 8 months.) So we had starbux instead of food, and they told me about their tourist plans (or total lack thereof) and we took some silly pictures in the starbux which hopefully looked "a-berry-a tourist-o." Then they thanked me for all the new vocabulary I taught them (Including but not limited to "castle" "journey" and "fairy") and we went our separate ways.

I really hope they take my advice and get a new tire put on that thing tomorrow, cause I know I can put a donut on, but I'm not all that strong, so I know that it can't be on there as good as a professional job would be. Also, I hope they email me the pictures they took like they said they would cause they were super cool and I'd love to be able to keep in touch with them.

So, in conclusion, I don't know what the going rate for Savior Service is, but I've been getting 3 Korean candy bars and a grande peppermint mocha.
Currently listening:
All The Stars And Boulevards
By Augustana
Release date: 06 September, 2005

Scottisms - Episode 1

Ok, so those of you who work with me know exactly what a "Scottism" is. It's when Scott opens his mouth and something profoundly abstract comes out. This usually has to do with proper food eating etiquette, taste or distaste for certain foods, and matters of the heart and home. This time, I was prepared and typed his rant up from his dictation. Enjoy!

As a guy there are two columns right.... a good column and a bad column. You can do all the brownie points stuff and love letters and rack up the brownie points... "You look good in those jeans..." "Ooh your hair looks nice..." The scale gets so heavy to the point where its about to break...

But one itty bitty mistake, "You look 'fine'..." you forget to call, you have one argument... brownie points: completely gone. Then you gotta do stuff like this...

(I promised Scott you wouldn't be able to read it...)

and say "I appreciate you..." and "You do all this for me..." doesnt matter what this column is ...(the brownie points) Trust me I've had years of brownie points racked up and one night of staying out too late and drinking or saying something stupid... yeah...trouble.

You girls don't have that it's not fair. I know we act like little kids sometimes but I'd be happy with half the credit... even a quarter...

* * *
Currently listening:
Who Will Cut Our Hair When We're Gone?
By The Unicorns
Release date: 16 March, 2004

Monday, November 13, 2006

My thoughts... and my pantry...

When I got home tonight, I made a special trip back out to the car to retrieve my camera. (Special because I had to go outside and walk down a flight of rickety stairs with no purpose other than to get the camera... I hate those stairs.) I remembered the picture of the card that I desperately (ok maybe desperation isn't quite accurate) wanted to post for you lot.

As I sat here cropping and blurring, something occurred to me. I know we laugh, (so does Scott) but seriously, that takes some brains and guts to do what he's doing. He seems to really understand how his relationship works, and he knows what he needs to do to keep it working that way. I'm impressed. Mrs. Scott should be too. It's not often that guys put that much effort into a relationship.
Bravo, Scott. (And I mean this in the least inappropriate fashion possible.)

Now, on to other things. It was brought to my attention this weekend that food plays an integral role in how we are perceived as humans. With that said, I would like to now include the one picture I seem to have forgotten to take while going through my desk last week.

Luckily, Tei was being nosy, and took this one for me:

So allow me to explain what you're seeing here...

This is my pantry. It's a cabinet above my desk with post cards on it which contains all the food items I could not live through a day without.
Here's a list of its contents:

1. Five different kinds of cereal including 4 cold and 1 hot.
2. 15-20 different kinds of tea
3. Trail Mix
4. Popcorn (Including Kettle Corn and Butter varieties)
5. Half a bag of Marshmallows (For the hot cocoa which Tei so graciously provides for the entire office)
6. Brown sugar (For the hot cereal)
7. Honey (For the tea)
8. 5-10 varieties of powdered drink mixes (Ranging from tea to gatorade style)
9. 1 can of tuna (For broke days)
10. 1 can of pears (Also for broke days)
11. A tumbler full of sauce packets (Gotta love 'teh sauce.' Chris always comes back short on soy... ok not
12. Anywhere from 3-5 mugs/bowls
13. One tupperware bowl with lid (For pomegranate days)

So, in closing I'd just like to say...

If the building should ever collapse, as long as I can get under my desk and survive the impact, I'll be able to live until the rescue workers find me so
Currently listening:
By Arcade Fire
Release date: 14 September, 2004

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

The dangers of down town

Ok first I have to comment on this weirdo that just walked into the cafe. He's totally dressed like Inspector Gadget and keeps asking the guy with the guitar on stage to play country music, Johnny Cash and Jesus Love songs. (Even though the guy with the guitar told him he doesn't know any of the songs he wants to hear... Go go Gadget FREAK...)

Ok, so in other news, Monica and I went downtown for lunch today
, and apparently on Marsh outside of the parking structure, there's now a danger of falling people on the road. So keep your eyes on the skies...

Tuesday, November 7, 2006

My Mistress

Ok, so last weekend, Monica was kind enough to drive me around the central coast car shopping. This is the fruit of that adventure:

What do you guys think? Monica named her "The Mistress." (Cause sometimes you'll see her around with her top off, and she's green, like with envy...) I think it's fitting, so I'm gonna stick with it.
Currently listening:
First Impressions of Earth
By The Strokes
Release date: 03 January, 2006

Monday, November 6, 2006

Cluttered Desk, Cluttered Mind?

So I had the idea today, that those of you who work with me always comment on how cluttered and/or fantastic my desk is, while those of you who don't work with me will never have the opportunity to see the manifestation of my insanity that is my desk. My desk looks a lot like how my brain feels. This changes on any given day, but somehow they always tend to match. So here goes, let the cubicle chronicle begin.

So here's what people see when they approach my desk. You're already going into sensory overload aren't you?

Note the extra-spiffy holiday decor. Yes, the pumpkin has tiny antennae, thanks to Heather McD. Also, yes Celeste, I still fly my crow master flag proudly.

Here's the inside of my desk. This is what I see when I look at you peering over the wall of my cubicle. (or when I talk to Monica, Heather or Scott.) You can see Cap'n Jack and Elizabeth in the background over there guarding Monica's bamboo.

Note the hunger-causing Yanagi Sushi calendar. All year I've been looking at this deliciousness.

A few more signs for your viewing pleasure. The Hobo CSR sign and the W.W.B.D.? sign (everyone needs one of those.) And there's my pomegranate for tomorrow, my smart water, and my piggy bank. Now that you know I keep my money in a creamer jar, I'm begging you not to rob me blind...

Here's my fitness magazine, along with my temporary replacement tablet steno notepad, and MiniD. MiniD is my fourth favorite posession.

This is the stuff that keeps me healthy (or less sick than I normally would be.) You can see my raspberry Emergen-C, my daily multi-vitamins, my almost-empty tube of Airborne and my jar of "Crazy Pills."

Moving on, this is the view a bit to the right. This is what I see when I talk to Chelsea.

Some important items in this picture: The Snap Cup, my bamboo plant (and treehorse, can you see him?) and my altar of worship to the god of fun times, Mattel. I have a billion tiny toys on this shelf, and my likeness of his noodlyness himself, the flying spaghetti monster. RAmen.

Here's my propaganda for the election in 2008, I'm voting for the greater evil, Cthulu. Also you can see my Gnomish Time Travel Device complete with appropriate crystals, my anti-piracy "Don't Copy that Floppy" button.

Pictures of my long gone cat Sebastard, and my family. These are closely guarded by sleeping kitty and the WRX transformer. I forget his name...

This is a blurry picture, but in it you can see my seahorse pen, my rose collage, my beverage dragon, the awesome tea-holder jar I got for my birthday from Shawn and Michele, my lunch (yes against my better judgement I had an energy drink for lunch today. I had to or I would have fallen asleep. I only got 45 minutes of sleep last night.) and a tasty pomegranate.

Ok, this is my monitor. I'd like you to note that it has a really nice FSM background, and little foam seahorse decorations, courtesy of Celeste. Also, now would probably be a good time to point out that there are three sweaters and a mexico blanket on the back of my chair. It gets COLD in the office sometimes (or all the times in winter.)

Here's my basket of supplies hanging out with my stress squishy toy (it's filled with worms and blood and makes Jimmy yack when I squish it, YAY) along with my dorky reading glasses.

Mischeif. Mayhem. Pirates. Milennium Falcons. Imperial Tie Fighters. Ergonomic Keyboards.

I used to have a beautiful Motion tablet. It died last monday and has not returned yet from the grave. Richard, please. I miss my tablet. This silly keyboard is hardly a worthy replacement.

And moving to the right again...

This is my Harry Potter poster. Another gift from Celeste. It hangs proudly on my wall right next to the ever growing stack of menus.

Here's the mirror I use to make Jimmy nervous. He thinks I'm giving him dirty looks but I'm really checking out my hair. I had to move it cause I couldn't take his weird questions about what I was doing anymore.

And to the right again. Clean cup, clean cup, move down...

This is princess Leia. You can't tell cause she's blurry. She's in Jabba's Prisoner gear. Totally hawt.

And nobody's desk would be complete without a map of Middle Earth. Don't ask me where this is if you think it's on real Earth. I won't tell you, I'll just laugh like I did at Taryn.

My baby CD collection, and baby whiteboard. I need to get my tablet back so that we can start doing MSN Icon theme days again. The list is on my tablet. :(

A really blurry shot of a really pretty postcard from Washington. My dad gave me these and I hung them up around my desk to remind me of how beautiful it is there. I seriously considered moving there when I was like 19. If it wasn't for my job, I'd consider it again.

This is my big canvas purse. Behind that is my super cool kit full of EXPO Markers for the white board.

Yikes! The Grudge room is open in this picture... and last, but definitely not least, this is Roger the Shrubbery. A SHRUBBERY. NI.

So, what's on your desk? Why is it there? Let's see it...

Currently listening: Dosage By Collective Soul
Release date: 28 March, 2006

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