Monday, August 20, 2007

Elementary School to the Rescue

Lately I've been doing a lot of thinking on far too many subjects. My latest realization is that things were far simpler in elementary school.

I mean, I never made it to class on time even though I lived less than a mile from school. I hated brushing my hair, but I loved to let my mom brush it. (For some strange reason this is still true, I love when other people brush my hair. I know, I'm a weirdo.) I wore shorts underneath my dresses so that I could take off my stupid tights, tuck my skirt in, and play like one of the boys. (Let's not rehash that time when I got knocked out by the football though, I really can't handle that right now. Most embarrassing moment of my life, true story.) I got busted for seriously mischievous debauchery and managed to talk myself out of a suspension to the point where, they didn't even have to call my mother, and all before 3rd grade. (Really that was pretty fantastic as I'd managed to cause a great deal of damage to a few of the staff's cars, and also to one of the girls bathrooms.)

Anyway, I got to thinking about interpersonal relationships and how those have changed (at least, for me they have) since grade school. How many among you recall the days when romantic relationships could be boiled down to this:

Granted, some of the shyer kids would never have the guts to write up such a note, and other shy kids would never have the guts to honestly answer one. Really though, how many times do you wish you could pass one of these out and get an honest answer back? Doesn't this clearly beat those lame myspace bulletins in its directness? I don't want to know how, where, and what you'd be wearing, just if the potential exists. Let everything else go on its own from there.

This got me to thinking about how you could apply this kind of directness to the rest of your life. There is a wealth of information that could be gleaned by simple, honest yes or no answers to some pretty straight-forward questions. For example:

I feel like you could learn a lot about a person based on their answer to this note. Don't you? A "yes," "no," or "wtf?" would speak volumes.

Then I got to thinking, even though the potential exists to learn a great deal about people this way, just imagine how many scenarios you could get a decisive resolution to with one of these notes as well. Got a friend who's being wishy-washy on some tentative plans you've arranged? Know someone who just hasn't had time in the crazy business before a major event to get back to you? It's easy, take the grade school approach:

I should write life coach seminar scripts or something.

Then again, I couldn't bring myself to write a life coach seminar script that didn't include ninjas and squirrels.

So lets get some answers people. I've posted my notes here, what do you say?

Currently listening:
Hold Your Colour
By Pendulum
Release date: 26 July, 2005

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Peer Pressure & Ranch Dressing

Have you ever been in that situation where it's better to just commit yourself to standing in an insanely long line, because no matter where else you go you'll find similar lines, and eventually end up waiting, wading through the line ride with everybody else?

I feel like I'm in that line right now. It's not exactly the best place to be, but no matter where else I go, I'll probably find similar crap, so why not just stay?

It's really the issue of waiting, I suppose. Who likes waiting? Nobody. Granted, I do enjoy anticipation, to a certain extent, but that's not really the same thing. Eventually something good has to stay. Or at least not scare me into running away, or turn out to be a total farce. I'm just tired of waiting until it happens, or I find it, or recognize it in what I already have.

I'm coming up on my last weekend before Burning Man, and I seriously am losing control of myself. I think part of my issue is my inherent need to categorize things which cannot be easily categorized. That along with the fact that I haven't had a real vacation in years.

So let me ask you this:

I just found a blade of grass in my salad. Not some kind of frou-frou lettuce, actual real grass like the kind you play tag on and make whistles out of. Is it a bad thing that I was totally okay with the idea of eating it?

Currently listening: Stay on My Side Tonight By Jimmy Eat World
Release date: 04 October, 2005

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

The Light & The Glass

I feel that it is important sometimes to remind everyone of a few things. The one I'd like to highlight today is this:

Contrary to popular belief, the world does indeed revolve around the sun. I know you are the star of your own movie, but seriously... The sun, a celestial body, not an earthly body, and definitely not your earthly body.

And now for a musical interlude:

Slowly the pen touches paper
In the guidance of the words that you write
Memories roll in of the things you once did
And who you had shared them with
Is somebody thinking of you

Did I bother telling you this
With the words that cross teeth and jump lips
A poor choice of words in wanting to tell you anything
But words don't come with ease
They're forever my hurt

Would it really matter
If you were to count the days left with your hands
Your focus secure and the loves you left well
Smiles staged in photographs here until...

You... you left the light on
There's a chance I might have tripped girl
You were there to hold on
Ignoring the words of your obnoxious little brother
Kill or be killed spilled the words from your mother
I'll lay awake for a while
I'll leave the light on a while

You couldn't last a lifetime
Caught between here and the days of it
Carving her name across your arm
With every wish it's hit or miss her
I told you so
I measure distance in lines
Departing the rest of my life

But you (you, you) had better things to do


You couldn't last a lifetime
Caught between here and the days of it
Carving her name across your arm
With every wish it's hit or miss her
I told you so
I measure distance in lines
Departing the rest of my life

If you get put to sleep
Like an old dog you're better off
If you get put to sleep

I've been cautious with the words I extend
Allow this year before the world starts to end
Your father's dead he passed in his sleep
And I woke to the sounds of her crying
Your father's dead he passed in his sleep

Pray for us all...

(Courtesy of Coheed & Cambria - The Light & The Glass)

Currently listening: In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3 By Coheed & Cambria
Release date: 22 June, 2004

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Paint By Number - Another Excerpt from Nothing

She touches pen to paper but is unsure where to begin. Does one start with the earliest memory of him? Is that a fair place to begin, considering that he wasn't of her choosing? She decides it is, and so it goes.

"Him…" she hasn't much to go from. "He was charming, cunning, devious, possibly soulless. Soulless – devoid of a soul? If such things exist in any one being, it is surely so that they may not exist in others. Do I have a soul? Would I guess I had one? If so, where does it go when I leave this place? Who can be sure?"

"You're getting ahead of yourself," she thought, and resumed her original writing.

"So in the first, a terrible choice," though not her own. "Skip ahead a bit, this surely can't be the right way to proceed."

"One. I'll call him One as he was first of my choosing. Such innocence, along with the closest thing to ultimate humiliation that I've ever felt. Still, with such fondness I recall such bitter memories.

"Two. So many years later. How he resembled One, and how others resemble him. Such a silly girl I was, that road was never meant to be traveled with one hand. So impressed with him, but for what. That place was so terrible.

"Three. Nearly my greatest mistake. Interestingly enough, I still find myself lying about this. I try to suppress it but it always haunts me. In that house, that terrible house. Never again. How strange that Three is also number one. Three was always my lucky number, but not this time."

She paused to wipe a tear from her eye. Funny, she always found the strangest opportunity to let her emotions run free.

"Four. Better than Three, but why couldn't you just be yourself? I still don't know why I refused to speak. So much potential, in a land so amazingly rich and vibrant, just waiting for you… Still, you have to be glad for where you are. Not necessarily make lemonade from lemons, but be glad that you have lemonade if you do. Four was number two.

"Five. Five was nearly my undoing. So charming, so devious, and so possibly soulless. It would figure you would let one such as Him nearly undo you. Five, he was also number three. Again with your lucky three doing you wrong.

"Six is number four. Follow that trend through to Nine who is number seven. They all meant nothing. A social experiment if you will. Nine had potential, looked strikingly like One, seemed to enjoy my company, I don't know why he didn't follow through, or why I didn't either. I think it was rejection. I felt it, and I don't warm to that. If they're not interested, turn yourself off like a switch. I wonder if that's actually saved me from anything, or just led to me missing out on things. Who knows. No way to tell now.

"Ten. Alas, I've reached number eight."

Suddenly she set the pen down. There was so much to ponder here. Ten is so much like Him, it's actually painfully frightening.

She decided where to resume her scribbling and began again.

"Ten is just like Him. Sweet as could be at first, charming, egotistical, and very self-centered. You don't realize at first that you're being led down this path, the same path I took with Five. That one where all of a sudden years have passed and you realize you've been modifying the way you think and act all for the benefit of the one who you supposedly love, and who supposedly loves you back. Then you draw yourself out and put a stop to everything, and realize that his recoil is so terrifying you can't imagine how you didn't see it before. It's so nauseating that you can't even look at Ten without seeing Him, and he begins to disgust you more than anything.

"So where does that leave me?"

"Well, Nine keeps calling, and you don't return his phone calls because you turned that off ages ago. Ten keeps alluding to secrets and shared moments that now make you feel this ultimate repulsion. Everything that was once, is now gone."

"I suppose, that makes it about time to find Eleven. To quote someone, though I can't remember who: Luck is where preparation meets opportunity. It's about time I made sure I'm prepared. I'll know an Eleven when I see him, unless he sees me first."

Currently listening: Speak for Yourself By Imogen Heap
Release date: 01 November, 2005

Monday, August 6, 2007

The touch, the feel

No, I'm not referring to cotton. I may, however, be referring to the fabric of our lives. I don't know. What follows will most likely not make much sense, so as I have before, again I apologize in advance.

I'm so conflicted. I honestly don't know why I allow myself to get to the point where I feel like this. Then again, I don't know how to keep myself from getting to this point, so I guess that could have something to do with it. I feel like something important is missing from my life. Maybe more than one thing. I don't know but something is wrong.

What is important? These days, I'm just not so sure. I know what's been important in the past, even if now I'm not sure why. I know some of the things which I think are important are things that I really want but can't have (at least not for a while) without complicating my life to a point where I become uncomfortable. I know that there are also plenty of things that I don't want but can't manage to put behind me, and they make everything else more complicated because I might be a smidge too worried about what other people think to put a stop to any of them.

Should I let fear sway my course? Should I summon the courage to be a total hardass about everything, let all of my feelings rest, and logically attack the things that make me feel like my life is not under my control? If that is the right thing to do, how do I get myself around worrying about what other people will do or think when I summon my emotion-free courage and start putting an end to these things that make my life less than what I want it to be?

I suppose for now I'll let things be. I think right now I should focus on what I need for upcoming events, more than I allow myself to think about anything else, and see if I can get myself through this by dumping tons of busy-work on my plate.

Like I said before, I doubt this makes sense, but if it does, what do you think I should do?

Currently watching: Troy (Two-Disc Widescreen Edition)
Release date: 04 January, 2005

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